he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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