After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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