Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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