I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He has the fingertips of a God
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