just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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