I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
