I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
