Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
