a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
