Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How does one acquire holy water?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
