where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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