guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I met the friendliest cop last night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
