We need to rekindle our bromance
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
