I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
