If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
