playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
