They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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