C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Jerry, you need to find god
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well I just put wine in my tea
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
