just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
