I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
