The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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