I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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