went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My vagina just recognized that song.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
