Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
