i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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