ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
