So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
