Your favorite bartender is back from prision
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
