I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
