Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
