this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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