well I can't set my house on fire every night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
