oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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