I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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