either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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