it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
