You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
