he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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