3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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