somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm getting married
To pizza
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
