eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
honey bunches of taint.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
