I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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