I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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