Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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