They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
