and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
