We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Semen is not good for contacts.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
