opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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