Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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