is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
